George Carlin: You Are All Diseased

'Experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial and free parking. No cash, no problem, no kidding, no fuss, no loss, no risk, no obligation, no red tip, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments or interest till September. But limited time only though, so right now, order today, sent no money, offer good, all supplies left. Due to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.'

Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience Economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality Low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms Affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation.

No cash? No problem! No kidding!

Two to a customer, each item sold separately, Batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, Allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available, Some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.

Combination key ring, magnifying glass, and garden hose, in a genuine imitation leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary.It's our way of saying thank you.

Actually, it's our way of saying 'Bend over just a little farther so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper, a little bit deeper, a little bit DEEPER, you miserable no-good, fucking consumer asshole!